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3 Things the Prom Taught Me About Writing

On the left: me 20 years ago with my prom date, Mike. On the right: Me last weekend with my son.
On the left: me in 1993 with my prom date, Mike. On the right: Me last weekend with my son.

Twenty years ago this month, I attended my first prom. Last weekend, I got to experience a parenting milestone as my eldest son attended his. (I won’t go into how old I now feel…)

I had no idea how to approach it from the “mom” angle and even less of an idea how to help my son prepare for it. Needless to say, we both did what we do best – flew by the seat of our pants.

And while we were neck deep in Prom Prep 2013, I discovered a few tips that I can add to my ever-evolving writing arsenal and share with you.

Lesson One: It’s all in the details

Ordering the tux went (almost) without a hitch, but the corsage was nearly a disaster.

Our original corsage order turned out to be for a shoulder corsage, not the wrist corsage we’d intended to order.

If we’d just taken the time to double-check the description we’d have known that. Thankfully, an eagle-eyed designer at the florist called to confirm that’s what I’d actually wanted.

Writing Lesson One

In writing, make sure to always check your work. Missing even the smallest detail can lead to unintended (and potentially painful) consequences.

Your readers (or clients or editors) are placing their trust in you and if you fudge on the details or get lazy, you break that trust. If your readers lose trust in you, you lose your readers.

So take a moment to double-check that fact, or check your setting notes, or whatever applies to the writing you’re working on. Your readers are counting on you.

Lesson Two: Things can (and will) change at the last minute

Since my son waited until three weeks before prom to ask his date if she’d go with him, we went into the tux accessory selection colorblind. We decided to try a neutral-ish color of Navy, but three days before pickup, he told me that his date found the perfect dress — in red. (And it was the perfect dress; she looked stunning.)

We crossed our fingers and called the tux place. Can we change the colors on such short notice? Thankfully, for a modest fee, yes. (And well worth the result – he looked stunning too, if I may say so.)

Writing Lesson Two

You’re going get last minute changes either from your client, editor, or even your muse and you have two choices in how to deal with it:

  1. Whine and waste time fighting about it.
  2. Be professional and take it in stride.

I’m not saying be a doormat when you get an unexpected or last minute change. But take the time to examine it.

  • Is it legitimate?
  • Will it add something to the piece you’re working on?
  • Will it detract or make the piece worse?

Bring up legitimate concerns with your editor or client but otherwise, go with it! This last minute change may cost you something in sleep, missed meals, or a couple of Pepcids, but the results could very well be something beyond what you hoped for.

Lesson Three: Even flying blind, things work out beautifully

My son and his date color-coordinated their attire via verbal description only. Since she found her dress only a few days before prom, we didn’t know whether “Red” meant more toward the yellow or blue side of red. And asking my son if he knew if her dress had “Yellow or Blue undertones” was met with a blank stare and the sound of crickets chirping.

It turns out that they did a great job communicating, because her dress and his accessories matched perfectly.

Writing Lesson Three

You’ve gotten yourself saddled with a writing project that has little to no direction or requirements, or your novel has meandered off like a kitten chasing a butterfly. You’re now in what you consider “desperate times!”

But, you’ve heard the saying “desperation is the mother of invention,” right?

So close your eyes, jump off the ledge of faith, and dive in anyway. This could be your best work yet!

On the Prom Front, everything did work out in the end. While I counted the grey hairs I’ve gotten in the 20 years since my own prom (and writing so I wouldn’t cry), my son was having the time of his life.

What parenting situations in your own life have taught you about your business (whether it be writing, finance, technology, etc.) And do you have any tips on stopping the spread of grey hair?

Photo Credit: Gloria Masse and Jon Bristow

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Mother’s Day Gifts that Won’t Break the Piggy Bank

My Dollar Store finds. Minus the gloves; those got used.

“Do dollar stores offer gifts for Mother’s Day that won’t end up in the Goodwill pile the moment Junior forgets he gave that thing to you?”

This is the question that ran through my brain the other day while I was coasting up and down the aisles of my local dollar store buying paper towels, cleaning supplies and some plastic forks.

I’m not saying I don’t appreciate every handmade card, half-painted frame, noodle necklace, etc., that my kids have given me in the past. I have most of those either displayed or packed away where I can stumble on them and tear up with motherly pride! Except for maybe the noodle necklaces. Those fell prey to the beagle…

But now that they’re getting older, they like to buy things for me (sweet kiddos). And aside from plastic flower decorations that will get dusty in a week and bath stuff that may or may not make one smell like one of those plastic roses, what can consumer-minded kids buy for mom that won’t break their piggy banks?

With some creative aisle cruising, I found two pretty cool Mom Day gifts!

For the Mom who’s a “Cooking Crackerjack”

A quick stroll through the kitchen gadget aisle scored these treasures:

  • Dry-measuring cups
  • Measuring spoons
  • 3-quart mixing bowl with “no-skid” bottom, handle and pouring spout
  • Wooden spoons
  • Rubber spatula
  • Muffin tin (6-muffin capacity)

All the tools mother and son/daughter will need to whip up some delicious breakfast muffins together on Mother’s Day. The grand total: $6.00 (plus applicable sales tax).

For the Mom who’s a “Gardening Guru”

Tucked away in the “Summer Fun” section of the Dollar store, with all of the beach toys and outdoor fun supplies I found:

  • Plant seeds
  • Pretty gardening gloves
  • Plastic beach shovels and rakes
  • Small ceramic pots
  • Plastic pots (to use as a liner for the ceramic ones)

Toss in some soil, sunshine and water and Mom and child can start a pretty window or patio garden for less than this week’s allowance.

The bonus hidden in these inexpensive gift ideas is they’re also activities that kids can engage in with their moms. Celebrating and spending time with Mom is, after all, the best part of Mother’s Day!

Do you have a favorite Mother’s Day gift? Mine are two tiles. One has my youngest’s hand prints on them, the other, my eldest carved a bird into it. They are on permanent display.

Photo credit: Karen Bristow

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The Closet Crybaby

I know that I’ll use my blog as a vehicle to vent my frustrations regarding the trials and tribulations of parenthood. But, I also want to make sure that I use it to share some of the pride and joy my kids bring to my life as well. And, you know, brag on them a bit at times.

I’m a crybaby. A big one.

I discovered my sniveling status about a decade ago during a presentation on the rainforest my oldest son (codename: Connor) delivered to his first grade class. The look of horror on his face when he realized it was actually his mother sniffling in the middle of the audience was enough to shame me into trying to keep my waterworks to myself from then on.

But I still have them. I can’t help it. I tear up whenever I experience strong emotions. Pride being one of those.

And this past week of school band performances thoroughly tested my ability to keep my sniffles and tears hidden.

Alan's first music performance.My first challenge? Alan’s very first music concert with his band class. For a group of kids who’d never touched an instrument until four months ago, they sounded all right!

At least, it no longer sounded like a squirrel farm undergoing a painful, mass-suicide ritual. (I’m sorry, but a beginner instrument, especially the trumpet, can sound harsh at first.)

The kids and their band director worked hard all fall. For their first public concert, they treated the proud parents in the audience to classics like “London Bridge” and “Jingle Bells” as well as “My Dredel.” I did great keeping the sniffles in check all the way up to their finale; Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy.”

Yes. A few tears of joy escaped. And a sniffle or ten. Connor, sitting next to me, pretended not to notice (as I pretended not to notice him rolling his eyes at me).

The marching band performs "Rocky Point Holiday."Then it was his turn to challenge my anti-sniffle ability. He performed in two of the pieces during his school’s two and a half hour Performing Arts Winter Showcase (PAWS for short).

Thankfully, it was dark in the auditorium during the concert band’s performance of “Undertow” by John Mackey. I easily hid my red nose and watery eyes. Hiding them during the marching band’s performance of “Rocky Point Holiday” was a bit more of a struggle.

For one thing, the lights were on. For another, the marching band surrounds the entire audience and a couple of his friends were standing right next to me. The pressure to not cry was fierce! I ended up hiding behind my camera phone, taking pictures. Surprisingly, the pictures turned out OK.

So my readers, Connor and Alan especially, if you ever see me sitting in the very back of the auditorium, or suddenly studying my phone, hands, or shoe-laces, it’s not because I’m bored or not paying attention.

It’s so you won’t see me shedding those tears of pride in my seat.

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Raising the Borg

Please bear with me as I give you a little back-story for this post.

My youngest son (Codename: Alan) is ADHD. When his first grade teacher first mentioned the possibility, I admit I just smiled and nodded politely. At the time, I believed that too many kids were needlessly diagnosed as ADHD and medicated. Then, when his second grade teacher brought up the possibility, I thought maybe there might be something to it.

Fast-forward past his primary care physician and two different child psychologists and he’s officially diagnosed as ADHD. Between his doctor, a therapist, and his teachers and I working very closely with each other and Alan, he’s managed to overcome most of the issues with impulse control, focusing, and listening that made school so hard for him in the beginning.

But there’s one, big problem that remains: Homework.

Homework has been a constant struggle since the first “Learn your ABC’s” homework sheet came home. In the beginning, he just wouldn’t do it. He’d sit at the table for the entire night getting distracted by the wood grain in his chair, the crayon wrappers, the popcorn ceiling or anything else that snagged his eye. Nights usually ended with both of us crying and the homework barely done.

And if he did finish it, he’d forget to turn it in.

That hasn’t changed a whole lot. He gets his homework done without (many) tears and distractions, but more often than not, he won’t turn it in. I’ll get progress reports home that look like this:

Test Average: 103
Homework Average: 37

Through the years, we’ve come up with many tricks* to help him remember, on his own, to turn in his homework or complete tasks. Unfortunately, Alan is rather like the Borg. His personal homework shields adapt quickly to a new process. Once he’s assimilated that process, it stops working. I’m then back at square one, frantically trying to adjust the settings on my “remember to hand your homework in, dangit!” phaser to hit him with a new one.

His teachers, bless them, help me as much as they can. By virtue of their professions, they have more ideas in their bag of tricks than I do, which they freely pass along. Ultimately though, it’s my job to get Alan responsible enough to remember to do what he needs to do.

And already I’m seeing signs that the homework shields are once again adapting.

Look for future posts as I discuss new ideas and how well they worked.

*If anyone, parent or not, has any homework help ideas, I will gladly hear them! Feel free to pass along your wisdom in the comments.